The Reason

Author: PaulenaK ~toukalah@hotmail.com">

Rating: PG

Pairing: Wesley and Illyria .

Disclaimer: Everything ATS belongs to Joss Whedon. Song used is ‘The

Reason’ by Hoobastank.

Feedback: Is loved and appreciated.

~Denotes song lyrics~

AN: Illyria 's POV.

**

The Reason

**

~I’m not a perfect person~

  I’m not a person at all.

 I am what is referred to as a shell.

 ~There’s many things I wish I didn’t do~

And standing here in front of you knowing I’m the cause of the mass of conflicting emotions that cross your face every time you look at me, and knowing that causes these strange feelings to well up inside of this chest.

I tell myself that it’s just a human weakness, something that comes in abundance to the beings of your world and not yet known to mine.

~But I continue learning~

That what in unknown to me is not unknown to the one I inhabit.

Little things, memories, feelings, sense… all the things that are foreign in my world are what you miss about the one who perished so that I may stand before you now.

~I never meant to do those things to you~

Not purposely.

All I know is that I’m here now in a body I’m not use to and a world I don’t remember.

It’s all different and I’m scared.

~And so I have to say before I go~

I’m sorry.

~That I just want you to know~

That I’m sorry.

~I’ve found a reason for me~

~To change who I use to be~

You were with me, ‘Have’ been with me in everything I’ve been through here on your world and now in mine.

You work along side two un-dead beings that have saved your world and its occupants countless times, yet it was ‘you’ who followed me into my dimension.

~A reason to start over new~

~And the reason is you~

‘You’ who saw the waste that was once my home.

‘You’ who made me realise the possibilities that came with this body.

And its ‘You’ who has made me see the price that was paid for my being here.

~I’m sorry that I hurt you~

If I could bring her back I would.

She loved you, you know. So much.

I feel that love, the greatness of it as well as the pain.

It’s so strong.

~It’s something I must live with everyday~

Never have I felt this way.

Regret for my existence is new to me, but I know that’s what it us nonetheless.

Raw and Pure.

~And all the pain I put you through~

~I wish I could take it all away~

I see it in your eyes, your stance. Hear it in your tone.

It’s there just floating beneath the surface where it’s always been, even before I came.

I know how she felt, this Fred.

I can take all the pain away. It would be as if she never left.

~And be the one who catches all your tears~

~That’s why I need you to hear~

Because Fred is gone, her soul no longer resides on this plane, but I do.

I could be her.

I could be Fred.

For you.

~I’ve found a reason for me~

~To change who I use to be~

I’ve been all kinds of monsters to all kinds of beings.

Do you know how long eternity is?

Too long to be alone.

~And reason to start over new~

Fred is my vessel. I know that now and for that I am truly grateful to her, but ‘You’ are my new start Wes.

~And the reason is you~

‘You’ are my new beginning.

Back to Paulena's page