You never felt that way

Disclaimer: I own no one. My pairing belongs to WWE but they have personal lives. Songs used are Since you’ve been gone by Kelly Clarkson and Everything by Life house.

Distribution: Where I post and just ask if you want it

Rating: R

Summary: An introspective look by a woman of a relationship that no one ever would have imagined?.

Characters/Pairing: can’t tell you but they are unusual

The cd player provided the noise that eliminated the quietness of the house. She began to move the garbage bags and drop them over the balcony. She was such the opposite of a pack rat that she looked forward to her time off. It gave her time to really go through and disregard of the things that she did not need. All she had left to do was read over some letters and look at some pictures. Her Gwen Stefani cd stopped and the burnt one Jeff had sent her started to play.

She hated the way things happened for Jeff. But through it all they were friends. She quickly filed his letters. She noticed a manila envelope but it looked too full to be something that she wanted to look at. So she went through her pictures. She loved traveling to the different cities with her girls. She smiled as she came across the ones fans had sent to her. She finally picked up the envelope and caught the smell of him. She thought back to where the envelope was and instantly knew why it was there.

She dropped the envelope and it landed on the couch. She walked into the kitchen and placed on ice in the ice bucket. She opened the refrigerator and looked for the Smirnoff twists. She grabbed the four remaining ones and dropped them into the bucket. She opened the envelope and let the contents drop out. She moved her hands over the items. She noticed the cd single, pictures and litters. Most of the letters were from her to him but he gave them back. She had forgotten why probably because he didn’t need physical reminders. Mentally, those were the most vivid to him.

Here's the thing we started off friends

It was cool but it was all pretend

Yeah yeah

Since you've been gone

She could not remember exactly how it happened. They had become friends by association. Some of her friends were also some of his friends. In the WWE, you are bound to cross path eventually. He asked for her to do the friendly things like work out together and look out for each other.

It seemed cool enough she thought at the time but there were sexual undertones. He oozed sex but she was not going to push it that way. He worked her enough to break down her guard. She trusted no one really especially when it came to her heart. She remembers the night on the beach when he said that he had never met a woman like her. She could say that since him no one has said that to her. She had to give him credit, he did have originality.

You dedicated you took the time

Wasn't long till I called you mine

Yeah

Since you've been gone

She looked through the photos. He really had his game together. It was like he knew what to say and do. He didn’t push the relationship but he took the time. He encouraged her to be a wrestler and not eye candy. He dedicated the time to help her train. He critiqued her and assisted her to improve. They spent so much time together.

She quickly started having emotions for him. She tried to subdue them, tried to deny them and damn near explain them away. But then she felt his touch. He touched her premeditatedly on her lower back. Then he took her in his arms. After that one passionate kiss, she began to call him hers. However, she heard him call her his. She never pushed the issue but since he’s been gone, she wonders why.

And all you'd ever hear me say

Is how I pictured me with you

That's all you'd ever hear me say

Hindsight is a bitch. She wonders how she still had friends. He was all she talked about. She lived for the pictures that they could take together. She remembers Stacy explaining how much she loved Andrew but he wasn’t what she ate, breathed and drank. Nora even encouraged her to develop a hobby.

She shook them off. They never experienced someone like him. He slowly became her everything. She even told him could not picture them with anyone else. She recalls the first time he entered her, she never thought there would be anyone else. No one could compare to him?

But since you've been gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get

What I want

Since you've been gone

She smiled as she tossed the photos into her fireplace. It was a sad but happy day when the draft happened. She stayed at Raw and he moved to Smackdown. They talked occasionally. Then she heard he had taken up with Dawn Marie. She cried at first. She had the sexual withdrawals. He refused her calls but it was okay.

She woke up one day and took a breath of her own. She was living for herself again. She was moving on but she had learned some lessons about herself. She knew how to avoid the con. She knew how not to look so desperate and vulnerable. But more importantly, she learned how to get what she wanted. She only learned all this since he’s been gone.

How can I put it? you put me on

I even fell for that stupid love song

Yeah yeah

Since you've been gone

She flipped through the letters and tossed them into the fireplace as well. She picked up the cd single and sighed, she wanted to scream when the radio played the song in her hands. She used to play it constantly. It made her think they were closer together. She searched and found the lyrics. She found the frame with their picture and the chorus. She read it and instantly opened the frame and pulled out that picture. She looked fabulous. She reached for her scissors and cut him out. She placed her picture back into the frame. She re-read the chorus and smiled to herself. She thought she needed to take it with her on the road.

You are the strength that keeps me walking

You are the hope that keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose

You are everything

He chose the perfect song for her to put her feelings into it. He completely put her on. He wore her down like a cheap suit. He had her so strung out she thought she was on drugs. She had to detox herself. She had to realize that he type of love was poison but she mentally did a “yeah! yeah!” dance because it was easier since he was gone.

How come I never hear you say

I just wanna be with you

I guess you never felt that way

She admits it became easier when she realized he never said the things she said. He never said he wanted just her. He never told her he could picture him with only her. He never understood the commitment she longed for. She had to rationalize it simple as he did not feel the way she did. He never felt that way at all.

But since you've been gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get

I get what I want

Since you've been gone

She had hoped that with the trade they would act as separate entities but there was more of a draw with both brands together. She tried her best to avoid him. She was independently her own person. She had moved on and was dating but on her terms. She always back off if the guy was trying to push it too serious too fast. She had learned to set boundaries because of him. But eventually she would have to test those same boundaries against him.

Trish remembered the Royal Rumble of that next year. She had asked for autograph signings, personal appearances or whatever. She did not want to come face to face with that smile and those eyes. Those were his charms to make her will power disappear. She had been successful until after her match. There he was? standing like her solider back from battle. She grabbed water and a towel. She walked the opposite way because at that point the words she would have said would included her room number and her key. She walked into the locker room and exhaled.

You had your chance you blew it

Out of sight, out of mind

Shut your mouth I just can't take it

Again and again and again and again

Trish allowed the water to hit her face and bring her back to reality. He had her for a year. He had a chance to make her feel like she was the love of his life. He should have made her feel like one of a kind. But instead he treated her like she was nothing more than a pawn in his game. She reminded herself that an ex is an ex for a reason. Out of sight and out of mind, he definitely made that one a reality. Dawn Marie was bragging about how great he was. Trish knew better she had lived the situation again and again. She did not want to return to that again.

Since you've been gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get

I get what I want

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get (I get)

You should know (you should know)

That I get

I get what I want

Since you've been gone

Trish remembered walking out of that locker room. He was standing there. Her breath got caught in her throat. She stepped back as he leaned down to kiss her. She dismissed him as she walked away. He commented that he loved the idea that she still wore the necklace he gave her. She loved it because although the necklace was simple the butterfly charm was an outline of diamonds. It never crossed her mind not to wear it.

Trish laughed and tugged hard. She placed it in his hand. Her breath was released from her throat. She stepped pass him and walked out of the arena. She would have waved bye but that would have been too much for her to give him. She stood up and walked to her fire place. It was not that she regretted being with him just the bad experiences. She found her matches. She took out one and lit it. She smiled as the items she placed in there caught fire. From these ashes, the Deadman will rise no more.

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